


It's Not My Birthday

by CanDanAndPhilNot (enbycalhoun), tequila-tequila (enbycalhoun)



Category: One Direction (Band), Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Birthday Party, Breaking the Fourth Wall, Crack, Harry Potter References, JKR is a terf so i shit on her too, M/M, OT5, i also shit on eleanor a lot, i shit on zayn a lot but i swear i love him, idk what this is, mentions of beards
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-21
Updated: 2020-10-21
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:48:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26916130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/enbycalhoun/pseuds/CanDanAndPhilNot, https://archiveofourown.org/users/enbycalhoun/pseuds/tequila-tequila
Summary: It's Harry's birthday...or is it?
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	It's Not My Birthday

**Author's Note:**

  * For [itsmyusualphannie (itsmyusualweeb)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsmyusualweeb/gifts).



> Happy birthday Tara!! I've never written a crack fic but I tried as Tara is the queen of crack and she deserves all the things.

Louis wakes up in a cold sweat. Tomorrow is Harry's birthday. How could he forget his own boyfriend's birthday? He blames Eleanor. Everything is always Eleanor's fault. 

In a rush, Louis hops out of bed and heads straight for his desk to pull out a stack of pink construction paper. If he is going to throw Harry a birthday party, he needs to make invitations. He pulls out ink and a quill and stares menacingly at the paper. His hand shakes. Ink splatters everywhere.

_Liam_ , Louis writes. Yes, he will invite Liam because he is fun and nice to look at. _Niall_ , Louis writes. Yes, because Niall is nice and funny to look at. _Zayn_ , Louis doesn't write. No, because Zayn isn't part of the band anymore. 

After a few more names of people Louis suspects might know who Harry is, he calls his owl, just like in Harry Potter, to take the invitations to the respected recipients. Just before the bird takes the invitations, Louis rethinks this. He will not use a form of transportation like in Harry Potter because he doesn't like TERFS. The only terf he likes is the one of the football pitch. He throws the construction paper invitations in the bin and sends a mass text. 

Once the text has been sent, he lazily crawls back into his fourteen karat gold bed and goes to sleep because he is famous and doesn't need to be awake. 

****

Louis wakes in a cold sweat. Today is Harry's birthday party. How could he forget his own boyfriend's birthday party? He blames Eleanor. Everything is always Eleanor's fault. 

Like a drunken bat in the middle of the day, Louis runs downstairs to prepare for the party. His mansion is an absolute mess. There are three specs of dust on his bust and staintings on his paintings and dirts on his shirts. None of this will do. The whole place must go in the bin. But alas, there is no time as the caterers have just rung the bell and the decorators have already hung the streamers as far as he can tell. 

"What are you doing here?" Louis asks. 

"Me?" Eleanor asks back as she walks through the door, avoiding the caterer with a large stack of pancakes. 

"Yes, you."

"I'm here for the party," Eleanor says, flipping her hair over her shoulder. 

"I will have no beards at this party." Louis goes upstairs and shaves. 

Eleanor leaves before Louis can show her his clean shaved face. She would have appreciated his jaw. 

There's a knock on the door. 

Liam walks in, his head shaved and eyes wide like he just heard the best news of his entire life because he has - he heard it is Harry's birthday. 

Niall walks in behind him smiling Irishly. 

Zayn doesn't walk in because he wasn't invited because he's not in the band. 

Then lots of people come in because this is a party and a party is not complete without a sea of people to set the vibe of this scene. There is alcohol because of course, it's a _party goddamn it._

"Everyone, hide! Harry is here!" a girl calls. Louis doesn't know her but she's wearing his merch so it's okay. 

Louis hides behind Liam. Liam hides behind Niall. Niall doesn't hide behind Zayn because he wasn't invited. 

Everyone shouts as Harry walks through the door. Harry screams for five straight minutes. 

"Happy birthday, love!" Louis yells annoyingly before he kisses Harry on the cheek. 

"It's not my birthday," Harry says. 

"Yes it is, I remembered!" Louis laughs heartily. 

"It's not my birthday," Harry says. 

"It's my birthday," James Corden says from behind Harry. 

"Happy birthday, James," Zayn says from behind James. 

"I didn't invite you," Louis spits happily. 

"I'm just answering the Beacon." Zayn smiles. 

"James, what did I tell you about using the Beacon?!" Louis screeches as he runs outside, and sure enough, a light in the sky shines bright signaling for "1D" Louis runs back inside but there are two people biting Harry's shoulders. 

"What are you doing to my boyfriend?!" 

"You're dating a roast chicken?" One boy says biting into Harry's shoulder yet again. 

"Who are you laddy-lads?" Niall asks Irishly. 

"I'm Dan!"

"I'm Phil!" 

"Wait!" Liam screams. "Dan and Phil? The singer-songwriters of the hit song, _The Internet Is Here_?" 

"Who are all of you?" Dan asks, fixing his 2011 box-hair fringe. 

"We're One fucking Direction, mate," Zayn says sourly. 

"Well," Phil sighs, grabbing this word document in his grubby little hands. "This is _our_ fic now, so run along." 

Dan and Phil teleport to their flat where Norman is waiting impatiently for them because he is hungry and they are fifteen seconds late for dinner. 

"Hey, Dan?" 

"Yeah, Phil?" 

"Happy birthday." 

"You too, Phil. You too."


End file.
